life in a whirlwind

My life has been so crazy and nuts and full of a lot of different things that have stole my attention I am having a super hard time being alone, I can't sleep ever, I can't stop thinking. I was hoping if I stayed away from my family and everyone who knew him would help me clear my head but it hasn't, everything reminds me of him, even when he is halfway across the country I still am scared I'll see him on the street, or in the store.

Bestfriend

So James and I decided to try and be friends it has been going pretty well he is my best friend. He wants me to house sit and dog sit while he is in Detroit I told him I would be I think it will make me sad being their all alone :/ oh well I told him I would clean while I was their too.

Work

I work so much it feels like I have no time for anything else, I am scheduled to work 61 hours this week. Its so fun haha. I paint for most of the night, but my paints are running out really fast.

Life Goes On

Well things are hard, I have done many things that I regret in our relationship but I also have made my peace with what I have done. I just want to make sure you have made peace with yours.
But life goes on, everything about what is going on right now is hard, I miss you, I love you, I cherish you, but I also know that you have a long way to come before you will be ready to settle down. I care for you. I hope for the best.

break up, ice cream, chocolate milk, hot fudge

So James dumped me today but I am feeling like good riddance to him I hope he has a wonderful fulfilling life and has great happiness in his life.
Now that that is over with I am so beyond hurt he lied to me, told people we would never be married, and used me for sex for the past couple months. But apparently I am the one who gets fucking hurt, he has used me for money and support for the past 9 fucking months. All I want to do is die. I am so empty right now. I have put everything into that relationship just to get fucking crushed and destroyed and fucked over and lied to and cheated.